


She Looks to the Moon

by blackwolf066



Series: The Things We Didn't Do (Season 2 Au's/Fix-its) [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison tells raymond about Claire, Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Grief, Season/Series 02, a mother mourning her child, raymond is a good husband, since i wanted Allison to tell Ray about her daughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25872850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwolf066/pseuds/blackwolf066
Summary: Sometimes, she would stare at the moon and smile, but mostly, she stared up at the moon and cried.((A fix it of sorts because I need Allison grieving the loss of her daughter. And I wanted Allison to tell Raymond about her too.))
Relationships: Raymond Chestnut/Allison Hargreeves
Series: The Things We Didn't Do (Season 2 Au's/Fix-its) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870822
Comments: 10
Kudos: 186





	She Looks to the Moon

Some nights, when all was quiet and Allison couldn’t use her voice to fill it; she would climb out of the bed offered to her by Odessa, and stare up at the night sky.

Often times, she swore she could hear the haunting melody of a violin traveling through the streets. Other times, the hot Texan air would send her back to the moment just before they jumped; having felt the heat as the wall of flames had loomed far too close for comfort.

Sometimes, she would stare at the moon and smile, but mostly, she stared up at the moon and cried.

She wept for the family she lost. She wept for the sister she couldn’t save in time—for the sister she had failed. She wept for the timeline she could no longer go home too. She wept for the voice she wasn’t sure she would ever get back. She wept for the loss of a _different voice_ stuck as she was here in 1960’s Texas.

But she _sobbed_ for the daughter she would never see again.

Her light, her little Claire-bear; snuffed out too soon in a world Allison had failed to save and protect her from.

It was on those rough nights, that Allison would stare at the moon and silently scream—mouthing out her anguish as her heart shattered to pieces inside of her chest.

(***)

“Mommy, do you like it?”

Allison squeezed her eyes shut; hands gripping the handle of the broom, tight enough to force the splintering wood into her palm.

Sometimes she swore she could hear and see her daughter—haunted by her memory and the what-ifs that Allison would never get to have again.

No matter what she did or where she went, she saw and heard Claire. Even now, Allison saw Claire in the little girl that Odessa was currently up-doing—smile wide and radiant as she turned to her mother for approval.

The remains of Allison's broken heart turned to ash.

(***)

“Why do you weep, my love?”

Allison startled at the arms that encircled her from behind; the scratchy feel of a beard on her bare shoulder, sending tingles straight down to her toes.

Quickly, she wiped the moisture from underneath her eyes and cheeks, but the gentle hand that caught hers stopped her from her fruitless endeavor.

She allowed him to move her, her feet shuffling as he turned her to face him, and she melted into the tender, warm hands that cupped her face.

“Why do you weep, my love?” he repeated as his thumbs swiped the tears from under her eyes.

Allison couldn’t help it as more tears flowed up and out; the dam she’d kept locked tight, finally bursting. She collapsed into his arms as the full-body sobs wreaked their havoc; hiding in the strong embrace that kept her together when all she wanted to do was fall apart.

Nothing was said for a long while, their bedroom filled with gut-wrenching sobs and a soft melodic humming as Ray swayed her in his arms.

From out the window, Ray’s eyes caught the light of the full moon.

(***)

Allison didn’t deserve Raymond—or his patience’s—but she thanked her lucky stars every day for fate bringing them both together.

After her breakdown last night, Allison had awoken before Ray, with a massive headache—that could rival even the worst hangover—and her eyes puffy, red and raw from the salt that had clung and dried to her lashes.

It wasn’t long after she’d wandered down to the kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee, that she felt his concerned eyes on her as he descended the last few steps.

She could hear the questions turning in his head; just begging to be asked as he encircled his arms around her from behind.

“Morning.” He said instead, giving her the space to come to him as he nuzzled his cheek against hers.

_She truly didn’t deserve this man._

Allison couldn’t tell him. She just couldn’t. Too afraid that she would lose him if she tried. She _knew_ she wouldn’t survive it if she lost Ray on top of everything else.

But… was it fair of her to keep _this_ from him?

She had tried _so hard_ to hold this part of her past selfishly to herself, and yet, she had failed spectacularly last night. Now, Ray knew something was up, and Allison wasn’t sure if she could keep withholding the truth from him.

Should she without this truth from him?

Would it be fair to keep Claire from Ray? Would it be fair to Claire’s _memory_ , to keep her a safeguarded secret, when Allison was the only one left who knew who she was?

The flash of Claire’s sweet, smiling face in her mind’s eye, decided for her.

“I had a daughter.” She whispered lowly, her hands gripping the edge of the sink as the tears began to surface once again.

“Had?” he implored; coaxing her fingers free from the rim as he guided her toward the kitchen table and sat her down in the chair.

She closed her eyes as he knelt before her; feeling his warm hands cupping her face and the pads of his thumbs rubbing the tears away.

“She’s gone.” She refused to say the alternative—the word far too powerful and final for her emotional state to handle.

“What was her name?”

_Bless him for not asking how._

With a watery smile, her daughter’s face still in her mind’s eye, she answered, “Claire. Her name was Claire; and she was my _whole damn world_.”

Boldened by Ray’s strong but calming presence—with the scent of coffee wafting in the air, and a lone sparrow sitting on the window sill, their only witness—Allison filled the space between them with memories that she held dear.


End file.
